Love the way you lie part 2....

On the first page of our story
The future seemed so bright
Then this thing turned out so evil
I don't know why I'm still surprised
Even angels have their wicked schemes
And you take that to new extremes
But you'll always be my hero
Even though you've lost your mind

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's all right because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's all right because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
Ohhh, I love the way you lie...

Now there's gravel in our voices
Glass is shattered from the fight
In this tug of war, you'll always win
Even when I'm right
'Cause you feed me fables from your hand
With violent words and empty threats
And it's sick that all these battles
Are what keeps me satisfied

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's all right because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's all right because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

Ohhh, I love the way you lie...

So maybe I'm a masochist
I try to run but I don't wanna ever leave
Til the walls are goin' up
In smoke with all our memories

No Bravery

I had told her... "A sadness has engulfed my life ma.. I dunno what to do.. It just wont go away..". And all she said was "You're my brave son, you will come out of this!"

I have come to realize, she was right... and she was wrong at the same time. I mean, she probably knows my strengths more than anyone else in this world. But she just doesn't know my inner workings that well enough...

Yes, I am brave. But no, I am not going to come out of this.

Simply 'cuz I am brave enough to choose not to. Its hurting inside, more and more each day. And u know what? I am beginning to enjoy this... more and more each day. I tell people that I just need time to be alright... But I am alright..trust me! I may not be having the time of my life, but I am enjoying this. I am happy. This realization that I am capable of so much love. I am capable of loving someone so much is priceless... A love that went waste nevertheless. But only after ushering in a change in me, a change for the better...

There has been some crying, cribbing and complaining... About how this "life is so unfair". About how "this decision is being forced upon me", about just some plain "why why why???". But we all learn to work our ways around these. So have I...

There are two possibilities, under which you lose a person you immensely are in love with:

1. When the person choses to cut you and throw you away from their life! Or...
2. When the person you loved... dies.

I choose to tel myself, that the girl, with whom I had fell in love with has died. For me, she just didn't leave me but she left this world as well... And this other girl who I know still lives somewhere, only looks like her and that too remotely. She is nothing like the girl I knew. These two are not the same woman! Simply 'cuz my girl cared for me... she would worry about me and she knew that I'd worry about her. But this other one probably doesn't even know and didn't bother if i existed.

My girl just couldn't help herself... she just died. She couldn't do anything about it. Neither could I. No matter how nonsensical this might sound, but I have convinced myself that this what the truth is... I had fallen in love with an amazing woman. But now that she's no more, what gives me or anyone else for that sake, the right to make stop loving her...? There might be no bravery here.. But I simply choose to not come out of this love. I don't need time and I have realized intoxication helps but only for a very very short while in the larger scheme of things! I probably need someone who is just as brave as me...