So here's what's happening right now.
I find myself falling. Falling hard and fast. Feels like I'm gonna break some bones for sure, if I'm not gonna try breaking my fall instead. There's a very strong feeling, that probably this will not end well. :-(
On top of the misty hills, on a chilly night. She sits there by the fire. Talking about how this dude and this relationship with him has transformed her, and her life. I nod along, as if in agreement even though I barely know her. But deep inside me, I begin to realize of another transformation in progress. It was me. And how I feel about her.
It was all moving so fast. I don't get a chance to think and ponder, over What? Who? Why? How? I just feel drawn towards something. Torn apart between two things rather... Between two guys. Each pulling me to become them. Overwhelming, is the word to describe the experience of those few hours under the star lit sky.
When the smoke dies out in the morning... I realize something else. I don't want to be ending up as either guy. I don't wanna become that selfish home-wrecking bastard about whom someone will talk about for a long long time. And I definitely don't wanna be the other guy as well. The poor lonesome jackass who is just left in the cold wishing and praying that by some god created miracle this "oh so desirable" chick ends up in his arms and far far away from the other dude!
Crazy! But wish I could not feel a thing! Wish I could just turn the damn thing off... Is there a "feelings" button somewhere??? :-o
I don't know what. But something makes me wanna think of you and me as "us"; makes me wanna give this feeling a chance to infest in me; makes me wanna know you more, know you better; makes me wanna see you happy, see you smile; makes me wanna woo you; makes me wanna swoop you off your feet; makes me wanna win you over for me and something that makes me hope... that I could make you feel the same way too.
I did not see this coming. But a predicament of whatever might... I'm not quite enjoying it right now. Cuz I jolly well don't know what to expect next. This feeling of "What's gonna happen next???", this doubt that makes butterflies flutter their wings in my stomach is simply a feeling that I cannot afford to have right now and definitely not for this person. It's one of those moments, where you know something's not good for you but it tempts you all the more for that very reason. "Thinking and drooling" about this girl is just that. A bad habit. That is rapidly spinning out of control into an ugly addiction.
But, god willing, I'm gonna have to be wise over here. For I've been a fool many a times. You are a fleeting desire, which I must get rid of for everyone to be happy. You are a character in my story of life, whose part, even though being quite interesting till now, must end soon. :-( You are this smart, funny, independent and beautiful woman, about whom I can only think of as someone out of my league and out of my reach; about whom I only know so much that you seem the one; about whom I only want to remember these nice things, that I don't wish to know you any further. So long pretty one... So long.
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