My pad...

A small place on the (n-1)th floor...

(where I leave imagination to take care of the 'n')

An apartment... For about 1 person. 2 max..but only once in a while. :-)

For someone who enjoys solitude, his friends, his movies, his books, his music and of course his food- a living room, a sleeping room and a cooking room! Would do!!

The living room. Strictly no center table! Two regular bean bags and one more..just extra large! One red :-) A 32'' plasma on the wall. A table just underneath it... Dis one serves to keep the empty coffee mugs and popcorn bowls.

Apart from hosting my Sony Hi-Fi..of course..................................

There's also a bed in the corner..on the floor. Yeah..its kinda crowded. The lighting of the whole house to be adjustable according to my mood... Dim and mellow when I am in the mood to brood over the mistakes I have made in life with may be Desert Rose blaring from my Hi-Fi and all bright when I am in the mood to take on the world... Or even strobe lights..when I am getting high to trance! :-P

A large painting on one wall ... of a smiling face probably... a wide one! Something that welcomes me back home everyday and after a bad day, reminds me that life ain't that bad after all...

Another wall..that I myself will paint to a color distinct from the rest of the room, or may be a just a strip on it..purple or burgundy I think. A huge window on another wall, which would look down on the city below... A place, where after a tiring day i can dim the lights and sit back, watch the city lights, listen to RJs blabber and sip something cold..chilled. ;-) May be doze off to the album I downloaded the previous night.

Coming to the sleeping room... There's another bed here..but fairly larger. Nothing fancy about it though... A small desk in the corner, with a comfy chair.

But the real deal with this room is that..this will host my library! No, not the whole room... But one grand bookshelf. Made of black wood. Where every single paperback I have bought from my college days will find its place... and this will continue to grow as i grow older.

Another window..or preferably a small balcony. (For coffee on a Sunday evening...)

A cooking room, with a small fridge..that has everything a man needs! ;-) (I needn't say more!) A stove and a microwave for me to cook all my favorite dishes... Chicken this and chicken that! Mmmmmmmm........ :-) And eat till heart's content.

Love my life... he he.

**1 New Message**

He wakes up in the morning, if you could call 12 noon that. Head's still heavy, he doesn't wanna spend a moment more lying there like that, but doesn't wanna get up and face reality as well. What the hell happened last night, he asks himself! How could he break someone's trust like that...? Sitting on his bed now, picks up his phone to find out..has she called or sent something? Gets disappointed and gets worried at the same time. What's she thinking??? Waits, Waits, Waits... its driving him crazy. But he decides to go on with the sunday. A bath and then some good lunch. He wouldn't be this comfortable if at some level he wasn't happy about the whole thing. Doesn't have the guts to call her and talk about it. Continues waiting...

**1 New Message**

"Had lunch? Wat u upto?"

"Hey! yep..had it. Jus lazying around. U?"

"Nothing much... been thinking alot."

That was his cue... Gotta be smart, quick and wordy now. Say something voguish and tender at the same time!

"Hmmm... Me too actually. I dunno wat 2 say gal. Have nevr been in a place like this. Don't wanna lose you now."

"Lose me?? Why wud you say something like that?"

"I dunno... My mind's not working i ges. Wat've u been thinking abt?"

"Last night! Wat else??"

"yes of course...!"

"Uhh!"

"Hey.. Don't get pissed off! I am at no better place than u..k"

"yeah yeah..."

"Wait a sec! Am i missing something here? Should i be feeling guilty??? I'm sorry!"

"Wat?? Why should you feel guilty? Wat r u talking abt?? Guilty for making me happy? Guilty for making me feel so special and feel so good? Guilty for making me feel beautiful? I was in it as much as u were, and I dont wanna feel guilty about it, about anything at all.. Please don't force me to."

This was all that he needed... She's not gonna leave him! He's releived. But what now? What does he reply back with? What? Something that she wants to hear or something that he wants to say? He was confused about what she wanted from here on. But he had no idea whatsoever about what he wanted as well...! Holds the cell phone in his hand and he's thinking hard... thinking... thinking... thinking...

**1 New Message**

"Are u there?"

"Yes, m here. Still dunno wat to say... I take back the 'sorry' though.:-)"

"Hmmm... I rele like u Je't. I rele do. I dunno where this is gong, but I wanna be with u..."

He sits back with a coke... msgs her.

"I like you too Shibi. I always have. You're my best friend... Chalo..lets have coffee. 7pm. Regular place."

********************************************

Many winters had passed since that afternoon. 7 to be precise. That conversation lost in the sands of time... Another November, another sunday. Je't, (like most his frenz had always called him) lying on the bed again at 12 noon. But this time he's been awake. For hours now... He had had a fun weekend. A routine for more than a year now. A week's hardwork and then a weekend full of friends, food, booze and blankets. They usually chose his apartment to crash after all the partying.

He lays there waiting. Watches her closed eyes twitch... He needs a definite answer today. Their relationship had blossomed over time. Had past some very tough tests of character and integrity. It had seen a cold bluish grey between the two even while living under one roof and also a warmth that even ditances of 1000s of kms couldn't dilute. He knew now, what he wanted. A life time with the one woman who makes him happy, makes him sad, makes him angry, practically makes him who he was. He once again couldn't muster the courage to ask her. Instead a long message that he took the whole night to type, was what he chose. He had sent it... Now was only waiting for her to read it.

She wakes up. N starts rushing. She's late she says... Kisses him goodbye. An exercise she never missed, even when she knew they will be away only for a few hrs! He looks on as she just drops her phone into her bag and heads out. He's impatient. Thinks he should have deleted the message from her phone while he could. But no, its late now. He waits... Waits... Waits...

**1 New Message**

His heart skips a beat!

"What is your LOVE PERCENTAGE? To find out, sms LOVE Your name & Your Partner's name to 56633. Rs3/sms."

Uuuggghhhhhhhhhh....!!!

My Magic Wand...

When you feel that everything in the world is going against you, no amount of music, chicken or chocolate can make you feel better. Its actually a very silly notion and a sillier thing to say that "nothing's going right in life!!", and i know that. But still, we get that feeling of being this insignificant thing, whom even the creator has forgotten. If such a feeling has not occured to you, then you're probably one of the lucky few... But I think it occurs to all of us. Most of us at least.

Probably one of those days for me... When I am finding it difficult to see and realize how beautiful my life actually is. How generous god has been with me in giving me sight to see the splendidness of this world, of my family and of my friends. Cant see it! Just cant..no matter how hard I try. Ever been there???

"I hate life and hate everyone around me!" my heart shouts it out! And then its echo lingers on for a long while... Actually I feel deeply hurt. And its numbing my senses, my capacity to think straight to find a solution to this pain.

(Now comes the best part...)

But then there was an enlightment. Lying on my bed, I worked out the perfect means to ease my situation. And mind you, this time it was not mindless gobbling of chocolate bars or the ever nutritiuos Complan! But some rather subtle mindgames between you and youself, where in, if you win, all pain and anguish, will look smaller and smaller... How u may ask! Please do!

Before I divulge the details of this magic wand trick to come out of any mental misery you're in, there is a Disclaimer and also a Statutory Warning!!!

Disclaimer - Works only for people who believe that they are cheats, deceitful scoundrels and hypocrites of some degree. If you've lived a life of pious fu**ing sanctity till now, then please leave this page.

Statutory Warning - Adminstering this magic wand remedy on yourself might cause some mental, emotional or physical side effect for which this site or its owner (me) do not take any responsibilty।


So here goes... When you feel down and out about something. Feel ignored. Feel "a person" is hurting you by doing something or by just not doing anything at all. Close your eyes, and go back in time. Just try and count, to how many people in life have you done something similar. Just count... Now pick one of them and start recollecting instances. Instances where you have used someone; exploited someone's feelings; turned down an honest request; ignored to acknowledge someone's existence when all he/she wanted was a smile from you; hurt someone just because you felt you could, just because you felt powerful doing it; revelled in the attention you got without once bothering to return some; abused and laughed at someone's true feelings; made someone cry and were too busy to say sorry; plainly ignored 10 missed calls and 5 messages to later say that you were with your friends... Try, try hard to feel what probably would have gone through that person's heart. How cursed and loathed you probably ended up being in his/her mind by the end of it all... This is not one of those idiotic "Chicken Soup for the ****" articles, where at the end I am going to ask you to call that person up and say sorry as its never too late... Naa..this is real life and things are a shade more complicated than that. You have wronged somebody in the past. Yes, you have done it and it can't be undone. No matter what you do. While its best to forget the past, at times like these, it might just be the right thing to think about. And realize, you have caused enough pain to others to be feeling like this today...

When you reach this stage, you're probably feeling a lot better thinking that your pain is nothing in front of what you have caused to someone else.

But if you end up feeling worse, at the end of it all... What can I say? You probably deserve it.