130am... A day well spent... I wud have said.. should have said. Wat the hell went wrong today then? Why does it feel like this? This aint right man.
No one wants to be taken for granted... And the feeling's worst when you know you are being taken for granted..only u cud stop it but you wont..cuz u cant. U feel helpless....
Living life like this was probably a dream once... But what have i become now..is more closer to someone i probably would have despised in the past.
The human mind always wanders back to the past... to the "simpler times". And I am no different.. If ever life gave me a second shot at living my life again.... sadly my present and current utterly adaucious and irresponsible ways is all I would wanna do away with! My past seems just so perfect.. Sadly we can never value and see how perfect lives are in the present! And its always... a good time you once had or a good time u wanna have in the future. I have no doubt... my life was beautiful. It was amazing... a pride present in me with no real effort. But now .. d pride's lost..n its only a facade..called "life".
I miss a lot of things today... A lot of people. A lot of places.. Miss Garwa, Miss Poonam... :-( Miss d 12th room on the 2nd floor. Miss my brothers.. Miss a city with a P, miss my days at TYA... How i hated travelling from Aundh to Wagholi..wish i knew..what was in store for me. Miss darshan park... Miss Pathardi Phata.. Miss those shared cab rides..to Kasara. Miss the long train journeys... Bangalore, Kalyan, Nashik, Pune, Mumbai, Nashik, Kalyan, Chennai, Pondicherry, Chennai, Bangalore, Kalyan, Nashik. Miss the all night longs in colaba... Miss the evenings spent in Marine drive. Miss those days when the wallet governed tastes, likes, dislikes... Miss days when window shopping in forum and a coffee in In&Out was the way of life. Everyday... Miss days when the simple things you did could make your loved ones smile.
Someone put me to sleep... I could go on and on and on..until it stops making any sense. LOL...
Today all i know is..I wanna change a lot of things in my life. A lot... Cuz i am not happy.. and i am notnaraz with anyone. Its probably only me..i am pissed off with. I could not hold on to the things that I once had..and things that mattered. I fucked up... and now all my head does is play games with me. Like its doing right now..
I wanna go back ma... I wanna go away..from all this. Create an identity that is a lot different from this current one. Where I am guy, who has his head firmly on his shoulders, n has no fake airs to himself. Promises what he can deliver.. and does nothing..not even a rat's ass worth..just to please someone else.
Ges dats wat it has come down to... I feel I have lost an identity I was once proud of.
FUCK!!!! Dat is it...! Problem defined...! And ges my first step towards completely sorting myself up. LOL...
Writing does help... :-)
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