I was free... I was careless...

She's not some stranger you know, close though. I know her name, she knows mine (at least I hope she remembers). We had had a formal introduction some time back. Like the many many of those you have at work. There's someone new joining our department we had heard the boss say. Comes in a girl in a green salwar and a patiala. First thought in my head was "Sophisticated" and then... nothing more really. Back to my work. But just after some time, I found my mind going back to some thought. She was somewhere behind my shoulder, I turned to see. She looked as if trying to smile with tightly shut lips as another colleague tried chatting her up. A strange feeling I had right then. Hmmm... That's something new i thought. Back to work. But very soon I realised, it was all over me. And it made my situation worse, the fact that I was just not able to make sense of it all. I kept denying to myself that it was nothing about this girl. "What non sense!" I said to myself, as it hadn't even been an hour since i met her... And I had always ridiculed at the phrase "Love at first sight" and trust me I still did. I knew it was not "Luuuuv...", and this is not a Love story...

I have had my share of "Love, Sex and Dhokha" in my short but eventful life. For a long time I had truly believed that I had seen it all. Been there, done that. People who knew me closely enough would call me "Curious Case of ******** ******", which I dunno how exactly made sense other than me having had experiences ahead of my age in some funny way.

This girl more than anything else, intrigued me. Something about her, drew my mind. This vague 'something', was gonna become clearer and clearer in the days to follow.

The very first day I had noticed, she kinda kept to herself. Just like most people do when they are new in a group where everybody already is familiar with each other. But as days passed, she still kept to herself. Other than the occasional Hi Hello with a select few, she just bothered with her work.The more she stayed away from everyone, the more I wanted to talk to her... And it just kept growing.

It did not take me long to realise, what that something intriguing was... I was actually seeing myself in her. No matter how strange this sounds, but that was it. She made me feel and realise, who I actually was. A calm and quiet girl, who would get uncomfortable in a crowd, would rarely smile showing her teeth, would keep to herself no matter how long she has known the people around her, avoids eye contact as much as possible, probably fakes a phone call to get out of a room, fiddles with the cell phone to let others know she's not part of any discussion...

I watched her everyday, looked at her from far, steal a glance now and then to find out if she's looking at me. No matter how stealthily I did all of this, deep inside, I wanted her to know it all and that I couldn't stop. I also knew, even if she could read my mind and know it all, she would probably still be sitting there at her desk pretending to be oblivious to everything.

Days turned into weeks and weeks into months. For long now, I would wait for tiny opportunities to strike some conversation with her. Something small. Something more than a smile or a hi or a bye. Just something I could go back home smiling with. I didn't know what was happening to me. I hadn't felt this care free in a long time now. Careless and reckless rather. For I had surrendered myself to this feeling... Letting it take me wherever it was, making me do things that on an ordinary day I would have not! I knew it was some dangerous territory, I was treading in. Again and again, a thought came to my mind that, that I was probably pushing it too far. I found myself standing at one of those many cross roads one faces in his/her lifetime, where he/she needs to decide between doing the right thing and doing what ever under the sun your heart wants you to do. "There are no rights and wrongs", your heart tells you. "If its coming from within, If its true, If its all that the heart wants, how can ever it be wrong??". You probably could not have stopped yourself from feeling this. But its your conscience and yours alone, which decides whether you let yourself to act upon some feeling like that.
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A monday morning it was while preparing scrambled eggs I was humming to myself, a few lines of James Blunt,

".....And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you....."

That day, I drove to my office to bid farewell to my team. I had quit the job few weeks back to land a fairly better role elsewhere. I knew it was the best thing to do... It was as right as right could be. I had a word or two with everyone. But she once again was sitting far away. I saw her looking at me, I smiled and nodded slightly. She smiled back and I left the building.