I was free... I was careless...

She's not some stranger you know, close though. I know her name, she knows mine (at least I hope she remembers). We had had a formal introduction some time back. Like the many many of those you have at work. There's someone new joining our department we had heard the boss say. Comes in a girl in a green salwar and a patiala. First thought in my head was "Sophisticated" and then... nothing more really. Back to my work. But just after some time, I found my mind going back to some thought. She was somewhere behind my shoulder, I turned to see. She looked as if trying to smile with tightly shut lips as another colleague tried chatting her up. A strange feeling I had right then. Hmmm... That's something new i thought. Back to work. But very soon I realised, it was all over me. And it made my situation worse, the fact that I was just not able to make sense of it all. I kept denying to myself that it was nothing about this girl. "What non sense!" I said to myself, as it hadn't even been an hour since i met her... And I had always ridiculed at the phrase "Love at first sight" and trust me I still did. I knew it was not "Luuuuv...", and this is not a Love story...

I have had my share of "Love, Sex and Dhokha" in my short but eventful life. For a long time I had truly believed that I had seen it all. Been there, done that. People who knew me closely enough would call me "Curious Case of ******** ******", which I dunno how exactly made sense other than me having had experiences ahead of my age in some funny way.

This girl more than anything else, intrigued me. Something about her, drew my mind. This vague 'something', was gonna become clearer and clearer in the days to follow.

The very first day I had noticed, she kinda kept to herself. Just like most people do when they are new in a group where everybody already is familiar with each other. But as days passed, she still kept to herself. Other than the occasional Hi Hello with a select few, she just bothered with her work.The more she stayed away from everyone, the more I wanted to talk to her... And it just kept growing.

It did not take me long to realise, what that something intriguing was... I was actually seeing myself in her. No matter how strange this sounds, but that was it. She made me feel and realise, who I actually was. A calm and quiet girl, who would get uncomfortable in a crowd, would rarely smile showing her teeth, would keep to herself no matter how long she has known the people around her, avoids eye contact as much as possible, probably fakes a phone call to get out of a room, fiddles with the cell phone to let others know she's not part of any discussion...

I watched her everyday, looked at her from far, steal a glance now and then to find out if she's looking at me. No matter how stealthily I did all of this, deep inside, I wanted her to know it all and that I couldn't stop. I also knew, even if she could read my mind and know it all, she would probably still be sitting there at her desk pretending to be oblivious to everything.

Days turned into weeks and weeks into months. For long now, I would wait for tiny opportunities to strike some conversation with her. Something small. Something more than a smile or a hi or a bye. Just something I could go back home smiling with. I didn't know what was happening to me. I hadn't felt this care free in a long time now. Careless and reckless rather. For I had surrendered myself to this feeling... Letting it take me wherever it was, making me do things that on an ordinary day I would have not! I knew it was some dangerous territory, I was treading in. Again and again, a thought came to my mind that, that I was probably pushing it too far. I found myself standing at one of those many cross roads one faces in his/her lifetime, where he/she needs to decide between doing the right thing and doing what ever under the sun your heart wants you to do. "There are no rights and wrongs", your heart tells you. "If its coming from within, If its true, If its all that the heart wants, how can ever it be wrong??". You probably could not have stopped yourself from feeling this. But its your conscience and yours alone, which decides whether you let yourself to act upon some feeling like that.
*******************************************
A monday morning it was while preparing scrambled eggs I was humming to myself, a few lines of James Blunt,

".....And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you....."

That day, I drove to my office to bid farewell to my team. I had quit the job few weeks back to land a fairly better role elsewhere. I knew it was the best thing to do... It was as right as right could be. I had a word or two with everyone. But she once again was sitting far away. I saw her looking at me, I smiled and nodded slightly. She smiled back and I left the building.

Mamta and Nitin ...A Short Story

She waited there for him pretty much everyday... Never quite admitting it obviously. The balcony where she stood over looked the busy market street of Mahatma Nagar. A narrow swirling path just about enough for a car to find its way in the crowds... It was about 6 in the evening. The bazaar jostle had just begun and so had Mamta's wait.

Her son sleeping inside, would wake up anytime now. For once she wished, that Jeetu got to see his papa as soon as he woke up. She was worried that he was growing up too fast. It's been only 7 years since she knew Nitin, she thinks. At the same street underneath, he had spotted her from the crowd below and she was standing on a similar balcony, waiting to get noticed by someone like him, not quite the Prince Charming of her dreams. But when he looked at her, all she knew that this chap was good enough for now... She was young, but had seen enough men in her life to judge this one from a distance. Was it love at first sight??? May be it was... Just meant to be like this.

7 years on... Mahatma Nagar was a changed place, after all the activity by the law makers and the so called right thinking elite of the city. The old businesses ran out of steam, some got lost in time, some just shifted base to somewhere more appropriate. But she stayed there... only moved a few blocks away from where she used to be. From where she met him.

Eventful day it had been, the night of which these two met. Nitin was promoted to become the manager of the bank, where he worked. He had worked really hard for years before that, sacrificed family, friends and fun for this day. He knew he had earned this... It made him feel euphoric. And she?? What was her story? Well... she had come to the city about 5 years back a 14 year old girl in search of work, from some village in the far east, no one really knew the name. She never said and none cared. Though she was only 19, she looked much older... he saw her, and liked her instantly. He wasn't thinking too far ahead..not 7 years into the future for sure. But who knew...?

She hears the sound of the bike from far away... She recognizes the very sound of the bike on which she had had one of the best 6 months of her life. She knew its his Bullet. She cant stop smiling. Goes and wakes up Jeet, switches on all the lights of her small 1 bed room apartment. The bike sound stops right under the balcony where she stood before. The kid is confused, still dreary eyed. The door bell rings in a while... Jeet runs to open it. And as soon as he does, Nitin lifts him up in his arms. Kisses his forehead... Still holding his office bag over the shoulder. She sees them and almost begins to cry. He reaches out to her and hugs her. They stay there like that, the three of them for sometime... This moment was gonna come only a month later. She prayed everyday that it came sooner... She waited everyday for him.

But he couldn't help her... His first love ever, he could not make her his wife. The society and the world would not have let him make a 19 year old tart his wife. She and this boy Jeet, shall always remain a night's mistake for him.

His wife was waiting for him at his house in the upmarket Lekha Nagar, they were to go shopping for the month's supplies. It was pay day after all. His real life was waiting for him.

This affection for his first love and his love child could only make him do this much..bring them money on the 1st of every month. Help them survive in their bathroom less apartment, in an area famous for its brothels till only a few years back. Where he had been brought by his friends to celebrate his promotion... Where he had fallen in love, with the girl who had been paid to make him feel good. Mamta and Nitin... This is their story.

A Perfect End to a Perfect Story...

Fast forward into the future... 12 months to be precise.

2nd April 2011.

Place: Wankhede Stadium, Mumbai

Time: Just about 15 minutes left for the clock to hit 2200hrs.

A crowd of screaming 50000+...!

They know, history is being made in front of their eyes... The dream held in every Indian's heart is coming true. India is about to bring the coveted trophy home... The world cup of cricket! Dhoni has seen it all in his career of 8 years. He has faced the wrath of media and the public, he has had stones being thrown at his house. He has seen, a country of a billion go ecstatic from the top of an open air bus in September 2007. He has seen his team rise like a phoenix in the rankings... But this is something he has never seen. History! He stands there behind the stumps, as Zaheer Khan begins his run up to bowl the last over of the World Cup Final... But who are they playing against?? And what's the equation...? Its Shane Watson on strike... And he has Michael Clarke for company in the middle. The noise in the stadium is deafening to the ears... Aussies stand at 275-4 after 49. Last over... 13 needed of 6 balls. Zak knows, its now or never...! This was his moment of redemption... He gets it right and his 1st spell of a similar final in 2003 will be forgotten forever. You see someone with her hands joined in prayer in the crowds, closed eyes, and thousands of "Orange-White-Green" waving among other things... India has not come this close to that golden ball ever. And just when you caught a breath... First Ball - Length near perfect, line could take the middle stump by surgical precision. But Watson swings across... WILLOW! He connects with equal precision! SIX over mid-wicket!!! 7 needed 0f 5 now. The crowd goes quiet... 1st six in 5 overs now! Aussies one shot away, in just claiming what has been theirs almost since forever now... Second Ball - Connects again..but wait! Its the slower one! ball lands just in front of Rohit Sharma at the boundary on leg side. They run a single. 6 of 4!!! Team meeting in the middle... Dhoni's busy talking. Third run up begins... Third ball - Same as the first, but its Michael Clarke... TIMBER!!! Stumps go flying everywhere... The crowd erupts in unison! A ship far off the coast on Marine Drive could probably hear this nation, whose faith in god was bearing results. 6 of 3 now! Its Cameron White... He knows his opponents well. His stint with Royal Challengers Bangalore lets him gage the conditions well... only one shot away! He takes guard... Fourth Ball - way outside off stump! White Swings hard... BEAT!!! Looks at Billy... yeah Billy Bowden! Was it wide?? No! says the man with the bummed index finger. The crowd erupts again!!! A little more closer to kismet... 6 of 2 needed. Zaheer collects the ball quickly from MSD and heads back to his run up point. He doesn't want White to settle down. Fifth ball... Outside off again but White knicks it!! Doni dives hard to his right... Flies for a moment probably. But the damage's done. The ball runs down to third man boundary... its Four Runs! The crowd lets out a huge sigh! And then Silence........ 2 needed of 1 ball. If India had to win this, Zak gotta beat the batsman in this one ball. He begins walking back... 1 dot ball. That's all I ask..says each soul in the country, at the stadium, on the streets of every city, TV rooms in hostels, sports bars go quiet, India knows what this means. The stadium hasn't sat down in more than an hour now, but they rise still. As he reaches the end, to begin running again... His life flashes by in his mind. Everyone on the circle! Last ball - and White Connects! But straight to Yuvraj Singh at Short mid off. They start running... Chaos! Where's Zaheer?? He isn't covering the stumps! Same scene same place..as three years back..but that was league..Punjab and Mumbai. This was the real thing... White has given it all. He will not settle for anything less than the single...Yuvi crashes into the stumps, with the ball... Where's White??? He has fallen short by miles!!! Yuvi starts running... Fielders far away know what that means. India has beaten the Aussies, to lift the 10th ICC Cricket World Cup. Fireworks shoot in the sky... You hardly hear them, cause word has reached outside! And its India this time that erupts with Joy... Cries in the crowd, Smiles, Couples kissing, Dancing... Its done. Job accomplished.

But Wait... what is the team doing? They're running the victory lap now... Flags in their hands... And who's leading them? Dhoni?? No.... Its the man, who has seen 6 world cups to reach this point. Its Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar. They lift him up at the end of the lap and now, the trophy's gleaming under the bright lights of Wankhede... Sachin is pushed up by Dhoni to collect it from the prime minister. A generation's dreams come true. To see this man, claimed to be god by some, lift the cup and take India to a place which once was only a dream. Wow!! We are the champions of the world, of the game that gives us joy, gives us sorrow. Its cries all over... All sorts of them. You can see it his eyes... He lifts it above his shoulders and looks at it and looks at the sky. How long has he waited for it. Lemme be here forever... India doesn't sleep that night. The nigh to follow, and a few nights after that... SRT announces his retirement from all forms of the game at the press conference. Its over... He has delivered what he was sent to this earth for. Happiness..unmeasurable by any means. We love you Sachin... We love you.

Dhoni goes on to sign a few more ad contracts and his story continues... Others in the Indian team become some more richer, the BCCI has pulled of what not everyone thought it could - put together a team, that commands respect and not the deep pockets.

Hope i see this day... :-) May be the day will come and go and nothing happens. But this is what would be the perfect ending to a story so perfect. I can't think of a better one... :-)

Everything u have in xchange 4 everything u ever wanted...

Why does life get so fuckin complicated when u grow up??

Why does it begin to suck???

What happened to those happy days i dreamt about?

Wasn't this life wat i ever wanted??

Why does my back hurt?

Why does this shit feel so heavy now??

Are the better days at the end of the tunnel??

Jus around the corner???

Or this is all that there is??

Sometimes i think that it could have been worse...

I'm still living my life...

And living thru wat was once a dream to die for...

I have done it Ma! I have made it Pa!

Look at me babe! I'm flying high...

Plz tel me ur happy... Tel me ur proud of me.

Cuz i cant do it myself.

Sometimes i think whether it really matters??

If m happy or not...

If m smiling or not...

May be my purpose is only to make u smile.

Is it worth it...?

Oh yes, it is!

A man can never stop dreaming...

A wise one never should...

And I nurture a dream again...

To see u again,

To make u happy again,

To make u proud again,

To make u smile again...

Woh Kala Ek baansuri Wala.... Anup Jalota

वो काला एक बांसुरी वाला


वो काला एक बांसुरी वाला
सुध बिसरा गया मोरी रे
सुध बिसरा गया मोरी
माखन चोर वो नंदकिशोर
कर गयो रे, कर गयो मन की चोरी रे
सुध बिसरा गया मोरी


पनघट पे मोरी, बैंया मरोड़ी
मैं बोली तो मेरी मटकी फोडी
पैयां पडू करू विनती मैं पर
माने ना एक मोरी रे
सुध ........


वो काला एक...


छुप गयो फिर एक तान सूना के
कहाँ गयो एक बाण चला के
गोकुल ढुंढा मैंने मथुरा ढुंढी
कोई नगरिया ना छोडी रे

सुध ........

May be it was meant to be like this...

The earth turned to bring u closer,

It turned on itself and in us,

Until it finally brought u together in this dream...

गिरता हूँ मैं, उठता हूँ मैं,
सिर्फ़ अपने आप से लड़ता हूँ मैं...

तुम्हारी याद का सहारा है एक,
आशा की किरन का इशारा हैं.

तुम्हारा मुस्कुराता चेहरा आंसू ला देता आंखों में,
पर फिर भी तुम्हारी हँसी सुनने को दिल तरस जाता हैं।